Holiday Weekend!!

Wahoo!! Well there isn't to much going on with us right now besides the same stuff as usual. The kids are doing well and are developing such personalities.

Landon is the ladies man. He has everyone wrapped around his finger and doing his bidding. Isabella is Ms. Independent. It is amazing how much they have changed and grown.
I am astounded, suprised and happy. But I had them in a more like baby sense for so long, I think it is hard transitioning to their toddlerness for me. We are leaving a stage behind. Moving forward. My babies are growing up.
I get afraid I am going to forget how wonderful Landon's toothless smile was since he didn't get a tooth in his head for 2 years. How Isabella would get stuck sitting up and cry to be laid down. I just try to make sure I have these images and videos on the computer and backed up. Plus, I try and think about them enough so I hope to imprint them in my mind.
Any Mother, who can't look at her child and see what a miracle or blessing they are should really seek help. We still have tons of issues and we have some rough days.

I think I am even growing with my kids. I have just now started taking some time for myself. For so long, I was mostly their nurse, Mother and Full time employee.
I am still all those things but I am finding myself again.

I can actually chase Isabella around the house as she giggles her head off. Landon is giggling because he thinks it is funny. We are seeing a bit more of a "norm".

Don't worry, you negative folks. I am still very aware that I have preemies and we will never ever ever have any type of normal life or happiness in your small minds.

But in our minds, in our lives, we are happy and doing what we have too.

I got off on a tangent there. I hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend.
Take Care
CG

More talk of Isabella's liver...A Little Landon too!

We are still talking about going to Pittsburgh so the the hepatologist there can see her. Hopefully, we can just do some testing here and send there. But I had a really good conversation with one of the drs yesterday and I think he understands now that I get just how very serious and well deadly her situation is.
He also understands I have a fine balance between Isabella, Landon and Work because of the insurance. He is the first dr to commend for keeping my job and insurance. It made me feel good. There are days I feel so guilty about it because I feel like I should be home doing for the kids. Really guilty.

Landon is doing more and more and just cracking me up. He has these ways of asserting his authority. Since he can't do it the way most toddlers does he finds ways around it. All he has to do is smile and he has women wrapped. Before you know it you are rubbing his hair and playing piano with him for hours.

Landon is really letting some of tactile defenses down more. Even the therapists agreed that some of his arms coming up was protection and we think that was from the heart surgeries and so many doctors. It is great to see his progress.

I never knew such a perfet love. Landon and Isabella's love is amazing. Now that Isabella is standing up in her crib. I get greeted with morning sugars right before I pick her up. Landon gives me 2 little quick smiles before I pick him up.

15 minutes later, a sound

It was small at first. Almost a squeak. Before I could get out of my chair it was a whale. So I sprinted darefully to the bedroom and there it laid, looking at me with crocodile tears and a mouth that said "feed me". I picked it up and took it and put in the activity chair. All the tears were gone, but it kept smacking it's lips in hunger. I dashed to the fridge and grabbed a bottle. With a bottle in one hand and the remote turning on the backyardigans all while feeding the hungry beast.

Then there is a calm as the beast has his belly full!!!


Ok, I know my trying to be funny writing probably isn't that great, but it is fun!!

I know of 2 kids who didn't nap well...

and are crabby as heck. Landon had some bowel issues and I think that is better so he was crabby and didn't want to sleep today. Isabella was like if he is not sleeping I am so not sleeping because there are plenty of things I can tear into.

So the momma gets and the babysitter is like they are crabby. They laugh a little for the momma so she won't be scared to be alone with them but it only lasts a moment. Nothing will help. No toy or cartoon can soothe this mad.

So I say off to bed the both of you. At first I hear some minor cursing over the baby monitor from Landon and Isabella. Isabella is like I am to tired. Off to sleep, I will just ignore the crazy kid in the other bed crying.

Before you know it, Landon's cries become whimpers because it takes a lot of energy to keep up crying. So he whimpers a bit and then he is talks in his language and tells me a few things that I didn't totally understand. But I think he was saying "Get the sister out of here, she smells".

But all of sudden, I stop as I walk through the house and realize, yes. It is all quite as a mouse.

There are 2 sleepy heads in bed. Will they wake for a break? Will they have a snack? Or are they done for the day? Only 20 minutes of nap they had to last them all day even through their special dance classes (OT/PT). Or will I hear a whimper in the dark that is saying "Momma, I will need a bottle right now or I am going to throw a wall eyed fit".


Well I will let you know in the morning. Isabella is most likely gone for the night and I can hook her up to the feeding pump. Landon I am not so sure about. Believe if Landon was speaking I am sure he told me off tonight!

It is official - I am the big 30

I thought I would feel different or really be bothered but oddly enough I am not. I think I thought I would have some things done by now that I don't. But overall I am content, I think would be the word to describe it. Life isn't perfect, but is anyone's?
I love the kids, we have a new home and a pretty blessed life. So I think at 30 that is enough for me!
Now, if I can just get Isabella to keep her little hands out of the cat food. Don't worry she doesn't eat it. Just dumps it all in the floor!

New Pictures Posted

www.flickr.com/midnitesky21

Perfect Saturday, Monday not looking good!

I think I got an early birthday present. The kids both slept at the same time today. Landon and I napped on the couch. Isabella in her bed. I slept solid for 2 hours!!! The only thing that woke me up was when it started to get hot because two cats were laying on my feet. Not long after I woke up Isabella did. But it was a wonderful 2 hours. I can't remember that happening in forever.
Yippee!
On other stuff, I pulled out clothes today to sort and just made a mess and left it. I have to clean it up tomorrow, but partly because I ran out of toddler hangers. I did get groceries bought. Tomorrow I have to go through my clothes to see what still fits from last year. I have lost right around 45-50lbs since last October. I had alrady sorted out many things that didn't fit anymore when I packed up my winter and fall stuff.
You have to love Ross and the outlets. I have already geared the kids clothes up for fall.
You know the best thing about having this house is the closets. I can stockpile stuff. Like toilet paper and paper towels. I love it!! I am going to stockpile more stuff like it as we get settled more and more.
The fun on Monday is I have my first OB appt since the kids were born and I had my post partum check. I neglected going because honestly the kids have had so much stuff going on. I love my dr. but it just so happens that one of the other drs in the practice I dislike very much and it is because of her lack of bedside manner when she saw me in the hospital at 24 weeks and told me to be more still because she had delivered a 24 week baby that died that weekend. Oh and she told this to me while she is walking around 7 months pregnant. She said some other things as well.
I was being still, heck, I never sat up for 3 weeks. I think I done a decent job.
But that is ok, because even drs go to Wal-Mart and I saw her there one day and told her exactly what I thought she was and that my children had lived. I think the big part of what I said was "you are a hateful witch". Yes, I did use the word witch. I have talked to other women who she was not kind to. I think she needed to be confronted. So it should be fun if I see her on Monday as I didn't want to let her check me on day of rounds after my c section. I told them to tell her unless there was something wrong with my incision, etc to not speak to me. Actually, I am looking forward to seeing her. Might have to check and make sure that bedside manner has improved. No one who has been on bedrest deserves that or any Mother for that matter. Hello, she is still providing a service. Enough of her.
The kids are in bed and I should be cleaning up, but I am not. Instead I am going to watch my movies that came from Netflix. I didn't get anything for several days because they were having some type of computer problem according to their website.
Ciao

Landon's New Toy

Here is a picture of the toy I got Landon. I push it right up to the Childrite seat and he loves it. Well if his sister would leave it alone and let him play. But he still laughs when she plays, so I guess it is ok:) But I dug this picture up off the net because my lazy has not subsided yet. So if you have a little one who is behind on Motorskills this is a great toy.

Found a Treasure

Ok, well this may have more typing errors than usual because I am ubber tired. So I went to a consignment sale this evening. I found Landon the perfect toy. Who would have thought that I would find this. It is an older gym but he can hit things and activate it. HE LOVES IT. No really, it is like finding a Diamond in the rust. It is so perfect for him. I can slide it up to him while he sits in his childrite seat. I will try and take a picture to post. The toy is in great condition. I just wiped it down with some clorox wipes. I am so excited because it is hard to find toys for Landon.
You know honestly, it was a blessing. Truly.
Landon's laughter is wonderful and priceless and giving him the ability to play even more. WONDERUL.

Positive Living

You know I have my days where I am in bad moods and negative and just plain down in the dumps. Those are the days when I am most scared about Isabella and Landon. Whether it be will Landon and Isabella have good care if I die? Are they going to live past 5? Will Landon walk? Why isn't this happening? Where is this piece of equipment. Will Isabella ever like anything besides pudding? Will she ever let go of anyone standing and have confidence to take steps on her own? What school should I put Landon in? Will Landon ever be able to talk? What if nothing we are doing works out? What if both children develop autism and OCD?
The list could go on of what is running through my brain as I am doing some mundane report at work. It will do that all day. So I am not all positive and cheery all the time.
I do try and thank God for everyday Isabella, Landon and I have been here. They have changed my life so profoundly for the better. My eyes have been opened to things I never saw or paid attention to before. But I do try to have a brave face and smiles for them. I don't want them, of all people to think our lives are horrible or should be pittied as one person was so kind to point out how she "pittied" us. Their lives are worth living and they add much joy to my life.
I was thinking. What is living? Isn't life full of LOVE, HEARTBREAK, AND A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS THAT INCLUDE HAPPINESS. I think we are living.

Grape Gatorade

So Gatorade is playing a larger role in our lives everyday. I drink propel or try too. But Gatorade is good. Well the "princess" Isabella has refused all types of fruit juice until Grape Gatorade which she loves and drinks like a maniac. Landon loves it as well. Yeah, for another food/drink to add to our list.

Kimba Stroller

We have decided on Landon's first pediatric wheelchair and it will be the Kimba Ottobock in green. I saw it today and loved it. Like it was great. I mean it folds down and will fit nicely in my van and Landon will have all the support and comfort he needs to get out and enjoy himself!!
I feel so much better about Landon now that he has equipment that has given him more options in his everyday activities. I think it is great and he does too because he is all smiles!

I have a contact in my left eye

Yep, can't help the right and I have an astigmatism. So I got the contact in and out at the doctors office. I am about to attempt to remove it for the night in a few minutes. I have to say. I LOVE IT!! I can see clearly now the blur is gone:):) I have glasses, too. But Isabella tries to tear them off of my face and the contacts are more practical in a lot of ways for me.
So wish me luck and I will take any tips or tricks anyone has to offer!

Progress

Landon rolled last night with purpose. Meaning he was going for something. It happened to be the wipes. But still he did it. He is actually getting on his belly without flipping out. After 2 heart surgeries this is pretty huge for him.

Isbella ate some ice cream!!
These are 2 big things for the kids and I am so excited and happy.

Hopefully it will be cool this weekend and I can take them outside. They have been pretty cooped up lately.

Only a week and a half until....

WE HAVE AN IN HOME SITTER/CARE PROVIDER/NANNY. Whatever you want to call her. I will no longer have to drive a half hour in the opposite direction of where I work, plus, I can get up later. The kids can sleep later and stay up a little later at night so mommy gets more time with me. It is going to make many things much easier.

Isabella is bouncing back from the biopsy. The sedative they used on her made her really sleepy for a couple of days. We are still waiting on the final pathology report and I expect it tomorrow. So keep praying.

Landon is just getting so long. He is looking like a little man. Oh and I did a bad thing tonight. I was trying to cut his hair by myself, which is a no, no. Well I gouged a pretty good size piece out in the back. But guess what he has so much hair the other covers it up, mostly:( At least he won't remember.

My two hell days at work are over and I can go back to my normal work life.

Other than that it is hot here and I am ready for some cool evenings to take the kids outside.

Isabella and Sleeping

She gets in moods where she wants to sleep with me and I really love it. But I don't sleep well. She pushes so close to me that she pushes me to the edge of the bed. I mean she sleeps up against me. Then if she wakes up she plays with my hair and stuff. Well last night she was up for 2 hours. But I hate to put her back in her bed because I love being that close to her.
I guess love does hurt sometimes:)

Getting Old!

I turn 30 this month and my vision more than confirms it. I had my eye appt today. Apparently I have a stigmatism in my left eye and the vision isn't focused well like it was when I was young. My right eye is well just there. I have "lazy eye" and my central area of division didn't develop which I have known for a long time. So my poor left eye does most of the work and it is getting old and tired. So I am pretty much glasses or contact dependent if I want clear vision and not blurred vision. Well stuff isn't really blurry at all until I get past 2 feet in front of my face but then I am strainging. Blah, blah, blah. So we are getting glasses and I am going to put a contact in the left eye.
I have never ever tried contacts so this should be interesting!

I go back in a week to pick everything up.

We are home...

Well the prelimary results are that there isn't cancer there. But the biopsy has to go through all the pathology. But so far so good.

It was a tiring trip but worth it. We it ALOT of rain on the way back. Isabella had a really hard time waking up. So that kept us there a bit longer. As usual MUSC rocks. They took such good care of her. I love them. No, really I love them.

We are in the process of switching sitters and schedules will change. Still trying to get everything sorted at the new house.

I am just tired. PERIOD. Well at least I think I am tired.

Oh and tomorrow I am going to the eye doctor because my vision has changed dramatically over the past few months. I can't see numbers or letters on signs at Targers that are under things like trash bags unless I get up close. Everything distant looks blurry.

I just wanted everyone to know that so far Isabella's results look good. Thank you all for the prayers. I am just so tired I can't keep a straight thought!